I spent the days of frustration in the only way I could. Reading and studying. He had allowed me full access to his library, and I drowned myself in all the powerful spellbooks and tomes reserved for elder scholars. As the change still refused to happen, I eventually adopted a quite fatalistic approach to life. I could do nothing to help the situation besides reading and hoping to stumble upon something he had overseen. Droacner’s abilities continued to be my only salvation, and I refused myself to think that he could not do it, but began to prepare for it taking months or even years. The future change became a fixed point in my world, and the only truth ahead of me. Staying indoors all day was beginning to be a struggle. Even though I kept myself occupied, the stagnation began to eat away at both mind and body. I often sank into depression, and my skin turned pale from the lack of sun. Despair deprived me of an appetite. The poor physical condition made me weak, and I repeatedly. During that time I began to see myself as less masculine and finding that I enjoyed the thought of being submissive towards masculine men. I developed an addiction to sissy pornography, even going so far as to wear her clothes and makeup. I lost the ability to become erect for her and that sparked the end of our relationship. I was on my own again and racked with depression and guilt becoming more determined to purge any of these desires from my life. Time went on and I had more or less gotten back to some normalcy when one evening I rode past a hardware store that was having a sale and decided I would stop in and pick up some tools and supplies for home repairs. I got in the check out line behind a guy, the kind you expect to be in a hardware store. He turned around and looked me over, then a minute later he turned back around and said "Here you can have this" it was a coupon for 20% off the top of the sale price. It was such a random kind act that I started beaming with obvious.
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